时间。。

你说你应该完全封闭自己，不可以再让我读到你心里所想的一切。。有用吗？还有必要吗？还有你觉得要是你真的做到完全封闭自己，我就一定读不到你的心思吗？你喜欢怎样就怎样。。因为我不想再了解你的一切了，不想再拆穿你了。。

你突然对我说我在这里写的一切全对了。。我知道啊。。但你说最后一句错是吗？我解释：你要的缘分我给，但现在的你已经封闭了自己，把一切都下了定论，所以我都没什么好说了。。
我没做错吧？
你笑说你还需要时间。。我问什么时间，你答：to find a better one。 其实我也懂你为什么忽然告诉我，我也知道你的回答是假的。。只不过我真的想装傻，我找就知道你要的是时间，不过我累了。。有时我会想，要是我没那么了解你那该有多好。。不会被这些所谓的了解而让自己停留，不会一次次的给自己为你留下的借口。。

时间你还是会有，只是看你自己会不会去珍惜和利用。。若不会，那你就会失去。。
假若你想通了，想要回我的时候请你从新开始，因为我想对其他人公平一些，不可以再像以前一样，说要回来就让你回来。。因为我也是时候从新做选择了。。但要是你看了这篇后想放弃，我也不会阻止你，因为这是你的权利。。

i will stop waiting right now. Lets start all over again ;)

在昨晚的电话上我听得出你的心到底在想些什么，我也知道你为什么会说那些话。。但我不拆穿了。。就这样吧。。当个傻子会更好。。 ;)

这样对你我都好。。

一直对外说我已经在放着了。。对。。我正在很努力的想放开但是我做不到，我依然会心软，怜惜，关心他的一切。。但是这次的我真的决定了，我必须把他放下。。

我爱你，我想每个了解我的人都知道。。包括你在内。。虽然分了，但我俩还是不避嫌，因为我们都想把彼此当成朋友。。但是现在的我想要收敛点了。。我知道如果我再这样下去我一定放不下。。是时候放下了，是时候放下我对你的爱了。。

我也知道你还是爱我的，以我对你的了解我其实可以很肯定地说，但是我不可以在这样下去了。。这样会让别人觉得我一直活在自己的世界里面，活在坚信你还爱我的世界里，所以我必须欺骗自己说那只是我的一厢情愿。。对！一切都是我自己想太多。。他根本就不爱我了，只是把我当成最要好的朋友，责任感较强而已，不是因为爱我。。不是。。不可以再次猜穿他的想法，要装傻，要装什么都不懂，这也是他想要的不是吗？ 纯粹只是朋友。。一个很关心很在乎我的朋友。。

再美的梦都必须醒来。。我会把那天晚上所发生的事情收成我们之间的美好回忆，所以你放心吧。。我不会再傻了，你想要我怎样我就怎样，不会再想太多了。。不会再对你有任何的依赖。。不会再等待。。


有缘无分的我们总有一天会遇到真正属于自己的另一个缘分。。

Late Post for 2011

Waiting For my story? so sorry that i didn't updated my blog for such a long time.
lets start the story:

You guys know that he already broke up with me before my birthday right? things change after my birthday you know? *refreshing my mind to write -.-*
Patched on 14.11.11, 8.33pm and that was the first time he ask me to be his Girlfriend. feel weird bout why i said is the first time although we have been in relationship for so many times? Don't really know how to explain.. and that is a past too. nothing much to say. ;)
mm.. actually i am kinda touch when he ask me that because something happened on 6.11.11 then he decided to get me back as his girlfriend n attend to his family dinner on his birthday. But i really dono how i feel that time. Touch? confuse? refuse? some more what? i dont know. i seriously dont feel like accepting him back that time and yet i cant stand to let him celebrate his birthday like how i got through.. im kind right? too kind to accept n forgive him so fast n easily..

i Never smile from my heart after the day i accept him n when we met i also just force myself to smile infront of him and just do something stupid to make jokes and have a laugh with him. i don't know how to face him.
and i never shout at him so fierce before but i did that after a day of patching back. not just shouting at him n i also asked to break up for the first time in this 3 years. he stunned and beg me not to leave him. asking me give him some time to understand me more n get my heart back. why get my heart back? cause im leaving. i know that i am running away from him that time because i felt too tired about the relationship but what to do? i still love him much so i just can forgive him n i know that he really wanted to change just to love me more.

ya i know ;')

I can feel the way he change n love me more than last time but good thing never last long. guess what? i asked for break up for 3 times in a week when im sick but it never success. why i being so stupid? im stress.. sick.. n tired you know? and if i din go over his place for such a long time i can sure that this thing will never happen.  But i did told that when i ask to break up at the third time i did realize that im back to him. i mean my heart already back to him. i will feel scare when he agree to break up after i said that. i dont know why i will be such a stupid that time. i did tell him that let us start and try again.. and im so sorry for saying that for so many times. you have to understand my situation n my condition right? but after the day i faint n fall on the floor he decided to break up with me. just because of he feel tired that i say out for 3 times in a week. i know i have done something wrong but cant u just forgive me after i telling u that im back to you? ya right. my fault. everything is my fault. cant blame him.. Last break up : 28.12.11 , 11.35pm

thats all for the story i guess. cant mention all cs too long d. couldn't remember all. kinda messy too i guess ;x



*Fate will decide everything, so just let the fate to decide.
...Your Quote...

Happy 18th Birthday to me.

faster greet me now. FAST!! faster sing a bday song to me thankiu. lol
mmm.. went look out point the him around 8pm but end up with idiot mood. went off from there before 12am and went oasis, the pub around Laoyat plaza and sungai wang, KL..
i guess is because i ask too many and i want too many d. and that is actually my rights right? nevermind. all over ad..

reached Oasis at 12am sharp and he sang birthday song to me in the car. not really in the mood but thanks also. went in the pub and i drank a lot and drunk..(1st time get drunk you know?!) lucky i din do anything stupid like all those drunker did. but after i fall down he said i cried and said a lot of things. i said that i won't ever to wait for him anymore and keep asking why he wanna leave and bla bla bla. i seriously don't know i got said those thing until he tell me this when i wake up in the morning. and i can see the fear the sad the struggle mood in his eyes and face when he tell me what i said to him that i dont want to wait for him anymore although he kept on asking me not to wait for him because not worthy at the night. he is totally changed the way he treat me compare to the night before i drunk. but although we are fine and good now we are not yet patch back as a couple. and guess what. am being a women without any status with him.. but nevermind. i'll wait.. i will wait until the day he want to come back, and if he really not coming back then i will seriously let go of him and find my mr charming for my life. cheers ladies. cheers..

i seriously love you much and you know that. and i know you seriously love me much too but this is your decision so i let you until the day you wanna to change back your mind. and i believe in you.
with love,

drink and drunk /.\

i seriously love you much and you know that. and i know you seriously love me much too but this is your decision so i let you until the day you wanna to change back your mind. and i believe in you.
with love,
michelle.

you FAILED me!

know what? am really sad about that. i knew it yesterday but i never ask or tell only. i thought is because am thinking too much but now what? you really went there for it. good!

saw his status yesterday saying that he at timesquare and new toy coming.. got a sense that will be tattoo so i straight away message him without thinking. i text him and ask what he doing at timesquare. he reply go there to see around only. ok fine. since he don't want to admit so i just shut up. but when i saw he saying that he at timesquare again today and that frighten me. so i text him straight again and asking isit having new tattoo ad and i guess he was quite shock about it. he ask how i know so i tell him that i knew it on yesterday already. then he reply can't hide from you.
i really burst off that time and i drop my tears again. i am really sad because he failed me. Darling that is really hurts you know? why you wanna kept on hurting me while you are still loving me? WHY?! i really don't know what and how should i do now. my friends kept asking me to chillx and don't do something stupid tomorrow cause of this idiot tattoo. ask me don't do something will make myself regret.
wander how i will be that smart to find out that you went for tattoo? cause you never go a place without purpose. and you HATE to go timequare or sungai wang those area. you will only go there because of something. especially for TATTOO.. and i know you will get more tattoo especially on your leg.
i know him too well ad. actually i can know almost everything he want to do or others. i guess i can read his mind. i know he is very struggle about that day's decision but he don't admit so nevermind. i guess everything will be clear tomorrow. and i hope that will be happy ending.

please do something worthy if you love me. please don't make silly decision again to make both of us stuck in the suffer mood. i know you are kinda suffer and struggle now so please change your mind. i don't want to see you like that and i know you don't wish that am going down right?
i can see everything and feel everything from the message and the way you chat. although you are acting cool sometimes but i can sense your mood behind it. i am smart actually just i dont want to be that smart when we are in relationship. please darling please.
i am still calling you darling cause i know you still worth it. so please dont fail me tomorrow. let me have my day tomorrow k? please and thanks.

with love,
your piggy xin hui.

What TO STUDY?!

am having Academic English midterm test tomorrow but i dont know what should i study right now. zzz.. the stupid lecturer never teach and tell us everything about that. even the date also dont want to tell until we heard from others friends. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. BANG WALL LA YOU! LAZY PEOPLE!

mm.. now i only know saturday got others people going with us. saw the post from his friend telling that he can't go with him on that day.. what is the purpose for saturday now? i really blur right now. i mean i getting more blur right now. zZzz.. having some weird feeling but i dont know is bad or good.. or maybe because am thinking too much? i hope is just because am thinking too much.

got his message every night that ask me to sleep well or sleep earlier.. happy? for sure. but.. mm. nothing. i don't feel like telling here and dont know how to tell also. sorry.
thanks bout the message. thankiu. ;)

study study now. bye bye. ;D

food waster. -.-

helo. please call me food waster. i finally ate something in the afternoon just now but i vomit all out after that. zzz.. clever right? bravo.. faster give me a clap please. zzz

story telling:
i told that i asked him to accompany to a party on saturday night at the previous post right? he gave me answer already. he said he is not going and he don't feel like going. then he ask me not to go too.. kept asking me why should i go and this that. i answered and asked him that izit he want me to countdown my birthday alone at 12am? what should i do if i din go to the party? den he answered that he will come and find me and celebrate with me at 12am. den i ask where we go on that day, stay in the car? zz. then he say maybe jayaOne,royal oak. he ask me where i wanna go and i ans look out point. then he ask me to decide whether i wanna go pub or celebrate with him at 12am.
i asked him to choose if he is me. den he said i got my own right to choose but if him, he will choose not to go pub but look out point. then i ask him to answer my question. is he really wanna to celebrate with me and countdown for 12am or just because of guilty , sorry and feel like owning me. he replied and said see whether i choose pub or look out point. then i will know his answer.
i really don't know what to do at that moment so i tell him that i will answer him at night time. tell my friends about this and ask them what should i do and they said depends on me. guess what and which one i choose.. i choose to go look out point with him. but actually am still worry and scare. cause his word frighten me. he told me that he don't want to stay too close at skype when we chat. what it mean? i really don't know. i really don't feel like going and thinking that i should go with him anot or i just go party first only celebrate with him on sunday night. i seriously don't know what to do at that time. but i scare i will regret so i decided to go with him. BUT i am still worry that i will regret to go with him too. i scare something will happen. (NO! TOUCH WOOD! ) 


mm.. nice chat with housemate and good laugh. its chillx me a lot ;)) and when i back to my room i saw his message said please sleep well. wow. so nice uh? how you know i din? so clever. lol. thx anyway ;)

ohya. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR FRIEND, JACKSON WEIZHONG!! happy always and hope you received and like my gift. ;D

sleep soon. nitez.
p/s atleast my mood is better today right? cheers x)